For the first time in several weeks I was feeling really good. Not just “good” like things are going good and I’m feeling “good.” But good in the sense of the kind of “good” that nothing else really is like. The way you feel only when you are with a very, very small group of select people  and sometimes the way you feel when you listen to a certain song or go to a certain place and to me its like those people, those songs and those places are sacred…they feel like home. I feel close to everything “God-related” when I’m “there”, listening to “that song,” spending time with “those people.” 

The past weeks but especially the last couple of days I have been a hard charger. I’ve been at the “office” at 4am, which happpened to be the rifle range this morning and I’ve been at the office late 10pm doing staff work and combating my arch-enemy, powerpoint. Not to mention the fact that I am at war and therefore do not have the luxury of days off…I have resiliency time. Bits and pieces of a day where I take off and go get recharged; whether its reading a book about being a better dad or a better leader, doing laundry, talking with Kim and family, writing cards and emails home, working out or going diving in the Persian Gulf I do something that recharges me. Today, I took a nap.

I was out hard, the first time since being here that I haven’t had to lull myself to sleep listening to Bach or Pachivelli. I had just pulled up to the driveway of what must have been my house. It was dark outside and I remember just knowing that the house I was looking at was my house. Garden lights led a pathway from the garage door and garden area over to the front door of the house. I remember looking through the windows that were on the garage doors and seeing Kim’s care inside the garage and then my reflection. I was wearing a white shirt, chaco sandals (the best ever) and some crazy looking board shorts. We must have lived near the beach and I was still young…the grass looked really nice, there were a couple palm trees in the yard and I remember it really feeling like home. The front door was opened and light from inside the house was shining through the glass storm door and I remember thinking, “I can’t wait to see Kim, I really want to see Kim.”

The annoying carribean ring of my cell phone went off and the dream stopped. I…was…ticked and hurt at the same time. I felt like a golf ball was in my throat and as I put my boots back on and walked back to my Soldiers I was glad I was wearing my huge sunglasses since they would hide any tears that were shed. Just as I thought they were about to start flowing a couple Marines driving by in their truck slowed down and asked if I wanted a ride. Shoulders rolled back, chest out and chin placed sharply up I said, “yes.” They told me that God works in mysterious ways…I laughed and said, “he does.”

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